I absently strum my guitar, and listen to the idle chatter floating around me on the bus. The last couples of months have been strange, exciting yes but strange all the same. It’s weird how things, people change under the onslaught of fame. Everything you once knew about someone turns to so many lies, when money and prestige are involved.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Alice asks sliding gracefully into the seat next to me.
I grab my beer off the table, and take a long slow drag, before meeting the eyes of my older sister, “Nothing” short and with just the right amount of leave it the fuck alone to make her back off, and leave me with my thoughts. I love Alice and appreciate everything she’s done for me and my career, but sometimes she sees too much and digs to deep poking at things better left buried and dead.
“Dad called today, said he’d love to hear from you…” She trails off when this conversational volley is met with stony silence. “I’ll leave you alone but…I’m worried Eddie.” She says standing and walking off shoulders hunched and posture miserable. God the hated childhood nickname, Alice has always known exactly what to say to make me feel like I’ve just kicked a puppy.
The problem is that she can’t understand, yeah she’s along for the ride but it’s not her people are constantly taking from, constantly needing things from. Alice has Jasper; in truth she’s always had him. Since the moment my bassist saw my sister everyone else just faded away.
It’s not that I’m looking for forever quite the opposite I’m looking for right now but I’m tired of fucking guys that are only banging my name, the fame or this image of me that they have. Groupies those pretty rock boys and girls have long since lost their appeal, and fucking them has become more of a hassle than it’s worth.
These are things my pretty perfect sister wouldn’t understand, for her life is all love and pretty pink bunnies or some shit. She doesn’t understand my jaded views or the wild lifestyle I indulge in.
“You’ve got Alice all worried Edward, she’s spent the last 10 minutes demanding that I have a ‘brotherly chat’ with you.” My older and much bigger brother Emmett, throws himself down next to me all broad shoulders and bulging muscles.
“Alice is perpetually worried about something Em, so there’s really nothing new there.” I reply shrugging, and throwing a grin at him. Emmett is so good natured and laid back it’s impossible to not like him, which is how he manages to screw nearly everything in a dress within a 50 mile radius of wherever we happen to be at the moment. For awhile there he and Jasper’s sister were really hot and heavy, but it turns out that the Ice Princess Rosalie with all her beauty prefers chicks to dicks.
“True but you have been being especially broody lately little bro.” he absently twirls a drumstick between his fingers looking thoughtful which is never good, “Eventually you’re going to have to talk to dad Eddie.” And there goes that hated nickname again.
“Possibly, but there’s nothing saying it has to be anytime soon.” The glare I shoot him closes this little conversational gambit down.
“Okay, you’re still all pissy about dad so I’ll drop it…for now. What else has been eating your ass dude?” And just like that we’re on to stage two of the interrogation.
“I need to get laid” I say flatly and drop my head back onto the seat, “But everything out there is so unappealing.”
Emmett laughs, “Dude we all need to get laid, I think you’ve been cooped up on this bus too long under the watchful eye of mother Alice.”
I snort, “There is that, also there’s something very annoying about someone constantly asking you what’s wrong.” I frown and crack my knuckles, “Actually it pisses me off, so instead of snapping at her, I ignore her.”
“Brilliant plan boy genius.”
“Go to hell.”
And with that Emmett moves on sliding up next to some pretty little assistant of something or other, hands sliding around her waist tucking her little body up against his. I smile, drain my beer and to avoid any further familial concern climb into my bunk. I put my headphones on, turn the music up, and let everything just fade to darkness.
The lecture draws to an end and I slowly gather my books giving most of the other students time to clear out. My best friend, and if I’m being completely honest my only friend Bella Swan, snatches my notebook from my hands and examines my newest sketch.
“You’re getting really good.” She examines the sketch with the critical eye that only an Art major can pull off and get away with, “The shading is really good. It looks just like him…which just proves my point that you’re a little obsessed.”
We stroll out of the room and she slides her arm through mine leading me through the maze of campus life happening all around me, “Not obsessed, more like intrigued…he’s very good looking.”
The object of discussion is none other than Edward Cullen, The super famous, super hot bad boy rock star ‘Edward Cullen’. A man that until recently I’d been unaware of-
“Earth to Jakey, as I was saying… we need to get you laid my friend.” And she says this as calmly as if she were suggesting I study for my advanced Physics midterm.
“As much as I appreciate the sentiment, I’m going to have to politely decline.” The concept of me actually having sex is so foreign that for a moment I just stand there like an idiot in front of the dorms. I’ve been pretty invisible my whole life. My sisters are both bright and shiny and were oh so popular in high school on the other hand I’m fairly positive the only one from my graduating class that remembers Jacob Black is Bella Swan. We continue walking trudging thru the dirty snow of New York City, down long cold city blocks to our tiny apartment.
I’ve always been the nerdy kid, wrong clothes, wrong jokes, to smart, to weird and just all together forgettable.
“Okay maybe not laid, but you definitely need a boyfriend.” And now she has on her resolved face, which bodes ill for the conversation.
“Look I would love to meet someone, but it’s been the same on every blind date you’ve ever sent me on, I’m nervous, I stammer and act like a complete idiot before he leaves and never calls again…frankly I’m over it and I’m starting to feel like you’re my pimp.” I can tell where this is headed and I’m not budging. I’m through with the dates and the disappointment, because as much as I deny it I’d like to say the right things and keep a guy interested, maybe break out of my shell enough to make someone really like me.
“You’re very cute Jacob, especially when you blush and stammer…it’s positively adorable. You’re so sweet and smart and I just know I’ll find the right guy for you.” She’s adamant now and fairly glowing with purpose which makes this next bit suck I hate disappointing her, but I’m over the letdowns, the only time I’m confident and in control is when I’m in class because I know I’m smart, if nothing else I know I can do the work, I’m smart enough to get my doctorate in Nuclear physics, I can be a research scientist and then maybe I won’t feel so alone.
“I’m gonna have to pass Bells, I’ll do the whole concert thing with you…I’ll even watch that horrible movie about that girl and those stupid vampires, but I’m done with dating at least for now.”
She pulls me into a quick hug before unlocking the door and rushing inside, “Maybe you’ll meet someone at the concert or the after party…” She trails off when she sees the look on my face, “Don’t be like that Jakey, I just want you to have someone the way I have Paul…you deserve the happiness.”
“I am happy.” I drop my bag and it lands on the floor with a resounding thunk, “ I am a super happy guy that has a ton of homework and no time for matchmaking best friends, now I’m going to shower, my brain freaking hurts from my advanced organic chemistry quiz and you going on and on about the sad state of my romantic life isn’t helping.”
She looks absolutely crushed and I instantly regret snapping at her, Bella is my only friend, sometimes it seems like she’s the only one that even see’s me, like if it wasn’t for her I really would be invisible.
“I’m so sorry Ja-”
I cut in, “No I’m sorry Bells, I didn’t mean it like that at all…I just want to concentrate on school for awhile, and then maybe when, if it happens it won’t feel forced and I won’t make such a mess of things.”
Bella glances down at her hands and then forces a smile, “So… what’s for dinner?”
<input ... > <input ... > Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
In July I gave draco_crescendo a Dutch Oven (-10 points). In November I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). In August I gave avari_maethor a wet willie, then I took it back (-5 points). Last Tuesday I bought porn for enchanted_jae (10 points). In September I put gum in lovinthelies's hair (-12 points).
Overall, I've been naughty (-93 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal!
<input ... > Dear Santa,
This year I've been busy!
Last Tuesday ryann_blackwood and I donated clothes to the needy (11 points). Last Thursday on a flight to Bangladesh, I stole the emergency flight information card (-40 points). Last week I gave enchanted_jae a Dutch Oven (-10 points). Last Monday I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). In May I punched folkin_up_again in the arm (-10 points).
Overall, I've been naughty (-125 points). For Christmas I deserve a lump of coal!
Materiality. Material Force. Material temptation; sometimes obsession
The Devil is often a great card for business success; hard
Perhaps the most misunderstood of all the major arcana, the Devil is not really "Satan" at all, but Pan the half-goat nature god and/or Dionysius. These are gods of pleasure and abandon, of wild behavior and unbridled desires. This is a card about ambitions; it is also synonymous with temptation and addiction. On the flip side, however, the card can be a warning to someone who is too restrained, someone who never allows themselves to get passionate or messy or wild - or ambitious. This, too, is a form of enslavement. As a person, the Devil can stand for a man of money or erotic power, aggressive, controlling, or just persuasive. This is not to say a bad man, but certainly a powerful man who is hard to resist. The important thing is to remember that any chain is freely worn. In most cases, you are enslaved only because you allow it.